Hints and tips for perfect Vows

So you’ve been asked to write your wedding vows. Lovely. Romantic. Slightly terrifying.

Don’t worry—you’re not expected to turn into Shakespeare overnight. You’re just trying to tell the person you love… well, why you love them, and what you promise for the future. Simple in theory. A bit sweaty in practice.

Let’s make it easier.

Start with the real stuff (not the fancy stuff)

The best vows don’t start with “From the moment I first laid eyes upon you…” unless you genuinely talk like that in real life (you don’t).

Instead, think about:

• When you realised you loved them
• Small, ordinary moments that mean a lot
• What they’ve taught you about yourself
• Why you still choose them on boring Tuesday mornings

That’s the gold. Not poetry. Not performance. Just truth.

Say it out loud before you perfect it

A sneaky trick: write it messy first.

Then read it out loud.

If you trip over a sentence, it’s too long. If it sounds like something you’d never actually say, it probably needs loosening up.

Vows should feel like you talking at your most loving, not like you’ve suddenly joined a literature exam.

Keep it personal, not performative

You don’t need to impress the guests. You’re talking to one person.

So instead of trying to sound deep, try to sound real.

It’s much more powerful to say:

“You make me laugh when I’m in a terrible mood and I don’t even know how you do it”

Than:

“You are the sun that illuminates my darkest skies”

Unless you genuinely talk like that at breakfast. In which case—carry on, poet.

Keep it the right length

A good rule: somewhere between 1–2 minutes when spoken.

If you’re unsure, read it slowly with a timer. Most people accidentally write novels when they meant to write vows.

Shorter = stronger. Always.

Things you probably shouldn’t do

Let’s gently avoid a few classics:

• Don’t turn it into an inside joke that nobody else understands
• Don’t promise things you can’t realistically keep (“I vow to always do the washing up” — we both know that’s a lie waiting to happen)
• Don’t overuse clichés unless you genuinely mean them
• Don’t try new jokes on the day unless you enjoy emotional Russian roulette
• Don’t include long embarrassing stories about exes

Also: if it sounds like a stand-up routine, you may have drifted off course.

What actually works well

The vows people remember usually include:

• A real moment that mattered
• A specific trait you love about them
• A promise that feels meaningful but realistic
• A sense of warmth and honesty, not perfection

You don’t need to be clever. You need to be you, but honest.

Final little tip

If you get stuck, try this sentence:

“I didn’t expect to find someone who…”

and just finish it honestly.

That alone tends to unlock everything.

One last reassuring thought

Nobody is grading your vows. There’s no winner. No marks for elegance.

If you mean what you say, and say it like you mean it, you’ve already nailed it.

Now go write something slightly emotional and slightly imperfect—and exactly right.

The last-minute scramble. A first draft two weeks before the ceremony. That’s the minimum. Write it, let it sit, come back, and strip out everything that sounds like a greeting card. Keep everything that sounds like you.

Take a look at some example vows you may want to use or to just give you a little nudge to get you started, you may also want to add a poem into your ceremony – I’ve put together a selection of poems for you.